Texts
by irl be there in a heartbeat
Summary: It's not easy learning how to text when you've been sealed in Asgard all your life, or if your big green fingers are too big to press the buttons, or if you've been trapped in a deep ice cryonic sleep for the past 70 years. It's also difficult to text when you're about to slit someones throat because you're a redheaded assassin. But, let's face it. They're the Avengers.
1. Chapter 1

**Texts  
Between : Thor & Tony  
Topic : General Uses Of A Cellphone**  
**Key :** _THOR_, Tony

* * *

_MAN OF IRON, I HAVE TAKEN POSSESSION OF WHAT YOU MISGARDIANS REFER TO AS, A CELLULAR TELEPHONE. IT IS MOST EXCITING._

Oh my god, Thor. You sound just like Steve when he first got his phone. How did you even get this number?

_THE ONE NAMED PEPPER GAVE IT TO ME. THE PATRIOTIC ONE HAS THIS DEVICE AS WELL? I MUST INCLUDE HIM ON THE LIST OF ASSOCIATES._

Yeah, meatswing. Rogers has one too. We all do, because we live in the real world. Welcome. No Touchy-Touchy, my Stuffy-Stuffy._  
_

_MAN OF IRON, WE MUST PUT THIS CONVERSATION TO A HALT. FOR THE GREEN ANGRY ONE HAS SHOWN ME SOMETHING MOST EXCITING._

_WHEN USED PROPERLY, DIFFERENT SYMBOLS OF YOUR EARTHS LANGUAGE CAN BE USED TO FORM THE LIKELIHOOD OF FACES.  
_

_:) BEHOLD. I AM SMILING.  
_

Yeah, good to know. Thanks.

_:)_

I get it, Thor._  
_

_:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)_

_MAN OF TINFOIL, I MUST INQUIRE ABOUT THIS BLOCK I FOUND IN THE ROOM OF THE BATH._

That, my useless friend, is soap.

_IT HAS A TASTE MOST FOUL.  
_

I guess that's because it's not meant foir eating._  
_

_THEN WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS FOUL TASTING BLOCK?_

You rub it around your... you know..._  
_

_I STILL DO NOT COMPREHEND. PERHAPS YOU COULD PERFORM A DEMONSTRATION?_

Hahahahahahahahaha no.

_WHO IS THIS, 'GTFO' PERSON, IRON HUMAN? SHOULD I BE WORRIED?_

Its "Get The Fuck Out", gopher brain._  
_

_GET THE FUCK OUT OF WHAT?_

Its just an expression._  
_

_WHAT IS THIS, EXPRESSION YOU SPEAK OF?_

Don't push my buttons, hammer head. I have alot of buttons but there arent many left.

_THERE WILL BE A BURST OF CLOUDS LATER THIS EVENING. I WISH FOR A BOX OF MATCHES TO SUMMON THE ONE THEY CALL ADELE._

No.

_I DO NOT UNDERSTAND._

No, Thor, I will not give you matches so you can set fire to the rain. Try One Direction for once._  
_

_MAN OF IRON, I HAVE FOUND SOMETHING MOST INTERESTING. WHEN WANTING TO EXPRESS A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF EMOTION, UNTOLERABLE WORDS IN YOUR EARTHS URBAN DICTIONARY CAN BE USED TO FORM THE MOST OBNOXIOUS OF PHRASES._

...Come again_?_

_THE FUCK BRUH?_

__I never knew you could use that type of language.

_IT'S MY HAMMER. LOOK. ======D~~~~_

What. the. fuck._  
_

_I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR CONFUSION, MORTAL BEING._

__Who taught you how to write that? And what is that THING coming out of your "hammer"?

_LADY PEPPER SHOWED ME. SHE SAID THAT YOU TWO HAVE THE SAME "CONNECTION" AND "CONVERSATIONS". IS THIS TRUE?_

Let's agree never to speak of this again._  
_

* * *

**This... drabble.  
Had me in tears.  
Read, review, eat pie and feed a pigeon. Bye-bye!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Texts  
Between : Steve & Clint  
Topic : The Modern Day Word For "Banging"**  
**Key :** _Steve, _Clint

* * *

_Hi Agent Barton :)_

_Hi Agent Barton :)  
_

_Hi Agent Barton :)  
_

Steve, your my friend and I should be a little bit more patient but WHY IN GODS NAME do you keep texting me that?

_I Apologise, But I Don't Exactly Know How To Work This Thing._

Okay, first off, stop typing in Capital Letters. it makes me feel dumb just looking at it

_Okay. Sorry._

SECOND, stop putting punctuation you sound like my old english teacher before she died

_R.I.P_

Stop that!

_Stop What?_

THAT!

_I Don't Really Know What You're Talking About, Agent Barton. _

Do you want me to fire an arrow at your head? Because, you know, I can do that.

_Sorry. How Is Your Day Going, Agent Barton?_

Fine. I have a bad case of the manboobs though.

*MONDAYS. I have the bad case of the mondays! Autocorrect.

_Ha-Ha! Let's Wait Until Agent Romanoff Finds Out About This._

Well played, Evans. Well fucking played.

_Fucking?_

Yeah. It's a modern day word for the word, "Courting" or "Banging" or "Sexual Cooties"

_I Don't Understand._

Of course. You've never been laid, that's why.

_Laid?_

Have sex. You've never had sex._  
_

_I Apologise, But Have You?_

...No. But that's different. I haven't lived for more than 70 years, unlike you.

_I Was In An Ice Sleep Until Nick Fury Found Me._

Yadda-yadda-yadda._  
_

_Yadda?_

... Nevermind. So, how are you finding the outside world?_  
_

_It's Different. What Are Those Companies Called, That Make IPorns? Pear?_

__*iPhones. Porn is... something you shouldn't know about...

_Right. So, What Is The Company Label?_

Apple. The companies called Apple...

_When I Was With Peggy, Apple And BlackBerry Were Just Fruits..._

Welcome to 2012, my boy. It's either give the mugger your money or get the fuck out. :)

_Agent Barton?_

Yeah?

_What Does IDK, ILY And TTYL Mean?_

I don't know, I love you, talk to you later.

_Uhmm... Okay? I Love You Too, I Guess? I'll Just Ask Bruce._

No, dickhead! It STANDS for them things.

_Stands For What?_

I don't know, I love you, talk to you later.

_Yes, Agent Barton, You've Already Said That. And I'm Sorry If This Will Ruin Our Friendship, But I'm Straight. I'm Sure Natasha Will Understand The Current Predicament You Are In And Sign You Up For Therapy, Or A Gay's Meeting Council. I Hope They Can Help You In Ways I Can't.  
_

Okay, I swear to god I hate you more than I hate Loki right now.

* * *

**Beautiful response, guys :')  
And since Steve was all "formal", I tried captioning every text with a capital letter.  
I hope ya'll understand.  
Eat, watch Smosh, get addicted to Shane Dawson and play Games with PewDiePie.  
Bye-bye!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Texts  
Between : Thor & Natasha  
Topic : The "Hungry" Games**  
**Key :** _THOR, _Natasha

* * *

_MISS ROMMANOFF,_

Thor, please. Call me Natasha.

_OKAY. MISS NATASHA ROMMANOFF, WHAT IS THIS "GAMES OF HUNGER" I HAVE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT?_

...Well, it's about a televised fight to the death.

_WHAT IS THIS, TWILIGHT?_

A movie about a girl who moves to a town where it rains alot.

_DO YOU, LADY ROMMANOFF, THINK THAT WE STAND A CHANCE IN THE HUNGRY GAMES?_

*Hunger. And, maybe, who knows.

_I SHALL BEAT YOU MORTALS WITH MY THUNDER._

_NO OFFENCE._

Sorry Thor, but I dont think youre allowed to keep your Thundering powers when in the arena. And besides, I dont think they let Gods into the Games.

_THAT IS CLEARLY RACISM, AGENT ROMMANOFF._

No, it just means that people like you are too "big" in the social food chain to risk getting killed.

_BIG?! I AM NOT FAT. I AM AVERAGE WITH FLUBBERY BITS._

_WHAT IS THIS, YOLO, AGENT COULSON TALKS ABOUT?_

Yolo. You Only Live Once.

_CORRECTION. WE LIVE EVERYDAY. WE ONLY DIE ONCE. HASH TAG, YODO._

Please, I'm trying to find my gun, and I have no idea where I left it. Please, please, PLEASE stop texting me for at least an hour.

**- Fifteen - Seconds - Later -**

_HAS IT BEEN A WHORE YET, AGENT ROMMANOFF?_

An HOUR, Thor! And no, it hasn't even been a minute!

_HOW DO YOU TURN DOWN THE VOLUME? THIS MUSIC IS MOST TERRIFYING._

With the volume button. And who's singing it?

_A LADY._

...Her name?

_JUSTIN BIEBER._

Whatever you do, don't call Justin Bieber a lady in front of Tony Stark...

_REMEMBER THAT WHITE CONSOLE SCIENCE CONT__RAPTION JANE WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS?_

Ah, it's so sweet of you to get it for her.

_NO. I GOT HER A TOOTH BRUSH. SAME COLOUR._

-_- Such a gentleman.

_WHAT ARE THOSE MOUNTAINS ON YOUR CHEST, AGENT NATASHA ROMMANOFF?_

You... you're lucky that youre not in Stark building right now. If you were, there'd be a puddle of blood on the floor with your eyeballs in it acting as two dangly decorations. You're welcome.

_WHAT ARE THEY?! THIS SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME._

They're called boobs, you baffoon.

_DO YOU LIKE AGENT BARTON? BREATHE FOR YES, LICK YOUR ELBOW FOR NO._

You're funny, Thor -.-

_DEAR STEVEN HAS JUST BEEN REJECTED BY AGENT MARIA HILL. A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR OUR BROTHER IN THE FRIENDZONE._

Yes... A moment of silence...

_THIS IS QUITE A DELICIOUS FOOD, AGENT ROMMANOFF. IT'S VERY HARD, THOUGH._

What is it?

_GREY. ROUND. NOT EXACTLY EASY TO CHEW. HARD TO DIGEST. BUT DELICIOUS ALL THE SAME._

...That's not a food, moron. It's a rock.

_IT DOES NOT TASTE AS FOUL AS THE "SOAP"._

I worry about you, sometimes. Are you still taking those therapy sessions?

_YES._

They're not working...

_I AM AWARE._

* * *

**I do love Peggy/Steve stories.  
Thanks for reviewing :')  
Read, laugh and tell me in a review which people I should make a chapter about next.  
Hashtag, #Y.O.D.O  
Bye-bye!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Texts  
Between : Bruce & Tony  
Topic : STAHP**  
**Key :** **Bruce_,_**Tony

* * *

**Stark?**

What?

**I have some bad news.**

You're pregnant?

You mated with a she-hulk?

You're scared of Spiders?

You watched Twilight?

**Not that intense.**

Right... What is it?

You've reached puberty?

You ate everything?

Leave my cars alone.

**How are you this stupid? No, I mean Steve's hallucinating and he thinks that Peggy's angel is floating above him.**

**I tried to tell him nothing was there, but he just whacked me and said that she was.  
**

**I "hulked" out before I even got out of the room.  
**

Hehe...

**What?**

You said "hulked out", LOL

**Stark...**

So, loool, when we're in battle and we're gonna kick some alien butt, everyone has their own battle cry and you're just there, like... "HULK OUT! BOOOOM!"

**How old are you?!**

EPICNESS. THATS LIKE SANTA.

**Don't test my patience, Stark. I'm a man of a few words but still, looks are deceiving.**

Right, sorry, but can I ask you a question?

**Sure.**

You're only allowed to use Yes or No ONCE.

**Okay... ?**

Are you gay? Are you lying?

:D

**;rwhgi wrhg**

You hulked out, didn't you? :D

**,nbvksjfgkjk, dsjgnik!  
**

I love you too :)

**frnzdttjjrtjrsyfdb!**

Have you seen Pepper?

**She probably ran away from you.**

**I mean, that's completely understandable.  
**

I thought we were boobs :(

**...What?!**

I mean, we were so close that we were like boobs, because y'know, boobs are really close.

LOL.

**We are close. But sometimes, you're a pain in the ass.**

* * *

Bruce?

Bruce?

Bruce?

Bruce?

Hulk?

Fatty?

Whoops, sorry. Autocorrect.

Bruce?

**I hope you don't treasure your 12 cars too much.**

...What have you done? 0.o

**Not me, Stark. "The Other Guy".**

FINE. What did the other guy do?!

**You won't be driving anytime soon, let's just put it at that :)**

I hate you :(

**Steve lost his phone again. I found it next to the couch. Can you tell him I've got it?  
**

KKKK.

Okay, i just texted him that you found his phone.

**Stark -_-**

What?

**:/**

Ohhh... Oops. I'll call him instead.

**Surely you aren't this lightheaded? Being a billionare genius and all?**

I just watched the Hunger Games for the second time don't blame me.

* * *

BRUCE!

**AGAIN?!**

I LOST SOMETHING!

**What did you lose?**

I don't know.

**Then why did you just text me?!**

I want you to go green again, your skin looks like snot when you do.

**Nice...**

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

**Please, stop being so annoying.**

H

E

L

L

O

**TONY. STAHP.**

* * *

**Can anyone guess what's wrong with that? :P  
I just love these two. SO much :')  
Read, review, dance to Justin Bieber than snap the CD in half,  
Bye-bye! Happy New Years :)  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**Texts  
Between : Tony & Loki  
Topic : The Knack of Being Sober**  
**Key :** **Loki_,_**Tony

* * *

YOU SLUT!

**Whatever is the matter with you, Stark?**

**In fact, why am I talking to a mortal?  
**

**Over a cellular device given to me by my brother?  
**

**Why have I taken gifts from my BROTHER?!  
**

You slut -_-

**What?!**

Your naked under all those clothes, aren't you?! :D

***You're**

Ugh! Your so annoying!

***You're**

Fine! We're gonna kick you're ass!

***Your**

I hate you :|

**I have an army, Stark.**

Yeah well, we have the fucking hulk. Your argument is invalid.

Y'know? Big fat green guy that always looks like he's just lost a game of Mario Kart?

BWOOOOOSH. Burn.

**You puny mortals are no match for me.**

**Please feel free to be offended.  
**

And yet you got beat to a pulp by a "nerd" who spends most of his time in the lab.

Oh yeah. You're welcome for the reminder.

Hey. Looki.

Lucky!

Loki.

Oi.

You.

HEYYY!

HEYYY, MACARENA!

**Please stop texting me.**

My pleasure.

**I mean it.**

Okay, okay.

**Just put your phone away, mortal, and leave my cellular number alone. It is only for contacing my mother when in danger.**

Right, right. I get you.

**And yet you keep replying.**

BECAUSE YOU WONT SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME HAVE THE LAST WORD.

And anyway, you're so old fashioned. I mean, a tunic? HEELLOO. We're not in the 1930's anymore.

Speaking of being old fashioned, aren't you still supposed to be learning how the long slate of buttons connects to the magical window of light?

A.K.A a fucking computer.

**I am not that stupid, Stark.**

**Ah, the Avengers.  
**

**Five fully grown adults; then there's you.  
**

You shut up. o_o

**I honestly wonder how you turned out to be a genius. After all, aren't you some.. as the blonde bimbo puts it, "a child at heart"?**

Blonde bimbo? Steve?

And yes, I'm a child at heart. Or arc reactor. But you get the point.

**I am a god, Stark. Son of Frigga. Hated by many yet treasured the most.**

**You have no power over me.  
**

And yet I'm the one who's a billionare, has the coolest heart ever, has an awesome beard...

Need I go on?

**You remind me very much of a jester. Foolish and easily tricked.**

Shut up, I'm richer than you.**  
**

And I have a girlfriend.

HAH.

**...I am highly unamused.**

Look up at the sky and count the stars. That's how much I love you.

**It's morning.**

Exactly. :D

**I sometimes wonder what Pepper see's in you.**

My amazingness. And the knack of never being sober.

But we can look past that.

* * *

**Any ideas on who I should pair up next?  
I'm starting to love writing for you guys.  
And wow, 40 reviews?! :) Thank you all so much. Once we reach 50 I'll write a huge chapter and try to include Coulson. Since, he's the "oldest fanboy" I've ever seen.**  
**Read, review, watch Gravity Falls and hug a dwarf.**  
**Bye-bye!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Texts - Special Edition  
Text 1 - Between : Phil Coulson & Steve  
Topic : The Captain America Fan Club**  
**Key : **_Phil, _**Steve**

* * *

_Hey Cap'n!_

_Don't ask how I got your number by the way.  
_

_Oh, and if you want to reply to a message, just click the dots thingy on your blackberry and click reply.  
_

_Waiting... any minute now Cap.  
_

**Hey, Agent Coulson._  
_**

_OH. MY. GOD._

**..Yes?**

_YOU REPLIEDED!_

**Indeed I Did...**_  
_

_YOU'RE ACTUALLY... SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW.  
_

_OMFG.  
_

_WAIT UNTIL I TELL THE PEOPLE IN MY FAN CLUB.  
_

**Fan Club?**_  
_

_This is like christmas!_**  
**

_Only, better.  
_

**If You Don't Mind My Asking, How Did You Get My... Say, "Number"?**_  
_

_Research._

_And alot of bribing.  
_

**Right. So, How Are You Doing Agent Coulson?**_  
_

_Please Cap, by all means, call me Phil. or Philly! _

_OMG. Just got an idea.  
_

_I could be Robin, and you could be Batman. I'll be like, your trusted sidekick. We could be the next Avengers! Except, cooler.  
_

**I'm Not Sure I Follow, Agent- I Mean, Phil.**_  
_

_Don't worry 'bout it I'll print some papers out so we can get started saving lives._

_YAY!  
_

**You Really Are An Entertaining Person, Agent Phil Coulson.**

* * *

**Text 2 - Between : Tony, Phil & Steve  
Topic : Laundry In The Fridge  
Key :** Steve, **Tony,** _Phil_

* * *

**Hows it going, peasants.**

I'm Not Sure I'm Fond Of That Nick-Name.

**You'll get used to it.**

_Hi guys!  
_

**Woah woah woah- who invited the AGENT?**_  
_

Certainly Not Me. He Has Been Clogging My E-Mail With Pictures Of His Cat For The Last Two Days.

_So, what do you think about Scuffy, huh?_

**I think that you should take a long walk off a short pier.**_  
_

**LOL.  
**

Don't Be Harsh, Stark.

**What?! First he lies about his first name- which, in my books, was definitely Agent and NOT Phil.**

**Second he starts hacking into the S.H.I.E.L.D Database just to find out what you looked like when you were young.  
**

**Third he starts talking like he's some sort of fangirl at a One Direction concert.  
**

_Excuuuuuuuuse me?  
_

Look, Agent Phil's Just Trying To Be Nice. You're Being A Little Rough On Him._  
_

**No no no, "Rough" is rubbing sand paper all over your... you-know-flappy-thing. I'm being soft.**

_Whoops. I put my laundry in the fridge again. Sometimes, I think I'm retarded._**  
**

**No way! I do that sometimes too!**_  
_

_Really?! Put Laundry in the fridge?!  
_

**No, think your retarded. :]**_  
_

That was cruel Stark.

* * *

**Text 3 - Between : Tony & Steve  
Topic : Are You Awake?  
Key : Tony, **Steve

* * *

**You awake?**

**You need to talk to me.  
**

**Because, I'm more important than sleep.  
**

**Billionare, for crying out loud.  
**

**I wonder what you look like without the blonde hair?  
**

**An ape.  
**

**An ape, LOL, an ape.  
**

**Oi.  
**

**Wake up.  
**

**Hoi hoi hoi.  
**

**HEEEEYYYY, ASDDG LUBBA LABA LUBBA, AYEEE MACARENA!  
**

**Steve?  
**

**Rogers?  
**

**Cap?  
**

**Screw you, then.  
**

What Do You Want?!

**Success.**

**I have something important to tell you.**

**Under these clothes...  
**

**I'm wearing underwear.  
**

K.

**K? K what? Theletter before L, the letter after J? Did you know that in JK, K stands for "kidding". So your reply is "Kidding"? Or K as in potassium? Do you need some special K in breakfast? K, as in can I K/O you? Can I knock you out and feed you to the hungry sharks? SHarks has K in it.  
**

Have You Been Drinking Again, Stark?

**Just a little.**

* * *

**Text 4 - Between : Loki & Bruce  
Topic : Autocorrect Sucks Balls**  
**Key : **Loki, **Clint**

* * *

I shall take your soul and feed it to the pirahnas once I am done with you.

**Woah... issues much?**

Do you mind, mortal, I am trying to enjoy my food from "McDildos".

"McDonuts"

"McDust"

**McDonalds? :D**

That's the word.

I have no idea what you, out of all people, are laughing at.

Where did YOU go to for lunch, Clit?

*Clint?

**Taco Bell with Tasha.**

Oh? What did you get?

**Diarrhea, but it was worth it :D**

...It's impossible to believe that you are apart of the Avengers.

**At least I'm not that girl from Lane 12.**

*District?

**That's the word! That good for nothing... OKAY, SURE, SHE SHOT A REINDEER, WHOOPEE.  
**

I must say, your lack of intelligence is highly disrupting.

How do you feel about Merida? And Link? Those Archer's that are nothing more than fictional characters?

**I only have one thing to say to them.**

And what may that be?

**FUCK YOUR ARROWS.**

* * *

**Text 5 - Between : Loki & Thor  
Topic : Shortest Text Ever  
Key : Loki,** _THOR_

* * *

**I hate you.  
**

_DITTO._

* * *

**Text 6 - Between : Clint & Natasha  
Topic : No.  
Key : **Clint, **Natasha**

* * *

Heyy Nat!

**Hey.**

Do you mind doing me a favor?

**Does it involve me standing up?**

Yeah...

**Then no.**

PLEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAAEAEAE ASE?!

**No. Over my dead body.**

PLEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEA EAEAEAEAEAESE?!

**No.**

PLEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEAEA EEAEEAEEAEAEAAEAEAEAEAEAEEAA EEAEASE?!

**No.**

**Ask again, lose an eye.  
**

Sheesh.

Hey, do you wanna get some shawarma?

**Does it involve me having to stand up?**

...How ELSE are we supposed to get shawarma?

**Then no.**

* * *

**Text 7 - Between : Hulk & Bruce  
Topic : WHY?!  
Key :** Bruce, **HULK.**

* * *

You have officially pissed me off.

**HULK NO UNDERSTAND.**

What were you thinking?! Making me pick that lovely lady up and frightening her to death?!

**HULK NOT DO ANYTHING THAT BAD.**

You threw her across the room shouting "This War Hulk Win".

OF COURSE IT WAS BAD.

**HULK SORRY.**

...I guess it's not really your fault. But please, for the love of god, NEVER come out when I'm on dates.

**HULK ASK QUESTION.**

What is it, big guy?

**DID HULK WIN WAR?**

-_- Depends if you consider being on "lockdown" a victory.

**HULK DID GOOD? BRUCE PROUD?**

You dislocated my date's shoulder!

And scared every single person in the resturant!

What do you THINK?!

**HULK DID BRUCE PROUD :)**

* * *

**Right guys I hope you've ENJOYED.  
Thank you all for the positive feedback and I will see you all TOMMOROWW.**  
**WHOOP Fifty likes :) Thank you all!**  
**What did you think about this chapter? Not funny enough? I tried doing most of the requests... :)**  
**Read, review, water the plants and** **eat a whole can of pringles.  
Bye-bye!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Texts  
Between - Thor & Steve  
Topic : Hopeless**  
**Key : **_THOR_, Steve

* * *

_MAN OF THE AMERICAN FLAG, I MUST ASK YOU A QUESTION.  
_

Listen, Thor, If This Is About Modern Day Technology Then You Might As Well Ask Stark. I'm Useless At Anything That Has The Ability To "Connect To The Internet"._  
_

_WHO IS THIS, GOMEZ OF SELENA?  
_

_I HAVE SEEN HER PICTURES ALL OVER NATASHA'S DART BOARD. SHE HAS MANY HOLES IN HER FACE FROM WHERE NATASHA SHOT AT WITH A DART.  
_

I Think She's A Nun. No Clue, Thor._  
_

_A NUN? LADY SELENA IS ALL TOO PRETTY TO BE... A "NUN", AS YOU MIDGARDIANS CALL IT._

A Nun Is A Woman That Is Devoted To The Church And Prayers._  
_

_WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT INFORMATION FROM, FRIEND ROGERS?_

Wikipedia. After Natasha Set It Up For Me, Of Course._  
_

_WHY MUST YOU TALK IN SUCH A... FORMAL, MANNER?_

I'll tell you once you tell me why I saw a bottle of L'Oreal Conditioner in your bathroom._  
_

HAH!

Sorry, Thor, Tony Took A Hold Of My Phone.

He's A Little Drunk.

_IT IS QUITE UNDERSTANDABLE. NOW, I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT JANE HAS BEEN SENT TO THE HOSPITAL. I WILL BE THERE AS SOON AS I CAN, PATRIOTIC ASSOCIATE, FOR I WILL USE THE POWER OF HEIMDAL TO GUIDE ME THERE._

Jane's In the Hospital?! Thor, Why Didn't You Tell Me Earlier?!_  
_

_SHE TRIED CALLING ME BUT I FORGOT HOW TO PRESS "ANSWER" ON A CELLULAR CALL. SHALL I TRY AGAIN?_

I'll Be At The Hospital In Ten._  
_

By The Way, What Does LOL Mean?

_I HAVE NO IDEA, FRIEND ROGERS. PERHAPS IT MEANS "LOTS OF LOVE", FOR TONY HAS SENT ME A TEXT REGARDING THE DEATH OF CLINT'S CAT, BUSTER._

_HIS EXACT WORDS: "Erm, Buster's dead. Tell Clint. I can't wait to see the look on the birds face. LOL."  
_

I Hardly Call That Fair._  
_

I Am In The Car Right Now.

I'll Be At The Hospital Soon.

_FRIEND ROGERS. HAVE YOU SEEN MY HAMMER?_

No, Sorry._  
_

I Watched A Film A Couple Nights Ago Where A Man's Wife Is Brutally Murdered By A Serial Killer And His Son Is Left Physically Disabled. In A Twisted Turn Of Events His Son Is Kidnapped And He Has To Chase The Kidnapper Thousands Of Miles With The Help Of A Mentally Disabled Woman.

_... MAY YOU TELL ME THE TITLE OF THIS MOVIE?_

Yes, Sure. Finding Nemo._  
_

_WAT YEW DOIN RODGERS_

About To Throw A Dictionary At Your Face.

* * *

**Hope you all liked it.  
Now, I would be a liar and say that my internet was down, or that homework got in the way, or that nothing truly eventful happened to me to spark up my idea for a funny text, since I haven't updated this in god-knows-how-long. But I'll be honest. I'm a lazy bastard that couldn't be bothered to open the computer and actually write something entertaining :)  
****But, I do love writing these. I hope I'll update more now though.  
Read, review, spread cream cheese and listen to Chris Evans singing Pooh's Corner,  
Bye-bye!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Texts  
Between - Bruce & Tony  
Topic : Sex**  
**Key : **_Bruce_, **Tony**

* * *

**Hi there, science buddy!**

_Hi Tony._

**So I was wondering...**_  
_

_No, I will not go to the pet shop to buy you another goldfish._**  
**

**What?! Why?!**_  
_

_You KILLED the last three within the four hours you got them!  
_

_I am not ending fishy lives all because you want some entertainment.  
_

**But Bruce, I saw a really cute one in the window shop, it had fins and everything...**_  
_

**It was SO cool :(  
**

_You're like a drug, Tony Stark.  
_

**Aww, because you're addicted to me? :)**_  
_

_No, because you're ruining lives._**  
**

_:)  
_

**That was cruel, Banner. Real cruel.**_  
_

_Have you seen my glasses?_**  
**

**Up your butt.**_  
_

**Turn to the left, then to the right, criss cross, EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS.  
**

**That's where your fucking glasses are.  
**

_Okay, look, it's not MY fault that they banned your license to purchase fish._**  
**

_It's your own fault for raiding their files to see which one had an illness.  
_

_Seriously?! An illness?!  
_

**As if you've never done that before.**_  
_

_I never actually have -_-_**  
**

**Be quiet.**_  
_

**Have you seen Capsicle?  
**

**He hasn't gone swimming again, has he?  
**

_I wonder why he doesn't. My cousin oggles over his pictures all the time._**  
**

_Something about moobs.  
_

**They look like pancakes. No joke.**_  
_

**Tell your cousin that, why don't you :)  
**

_Ok.  
_

**OK?!**_  
_

**Is that all I get?!  
**

**After that long, meaningful text?!  
**

**AT LEAST PUT MORE FEELING INTO YOUR TEXTS.**

_Okay._**  
**

**You**_  
_

**Mother  
**

**Fucker.  
**

_Kk._

* * *

**BRUCE!  
**

**OI!  
**

** !  
**

_What is it, Tony?  
_

**I officially know how to get Steve really mad!**_  
_

_Do I even want to know**?**_

_You aren't exactly the wisest Avenger, even though you are a billionare.  
_

**Philanthropist, playboy...**_**  
**_

**Etc.**

**You forgot.  
**

_Well, what is it?_**  
**

**Show him a picture of...**_  
_

**The...  
**

**ENGLISH FLAG.  
**

**BOOM SHAKALAKA.  
**

_Tony, please don't tell me you've been drinking again.  
_

**No, of course nottt.**_  
_

_Then why are you so...?_**  
**

**I got DRUNK again. There's a difference.**_  
_

**Look it up on Booble.  
**

_Don't you mean Google?_

**That's what I said.**_  
_

_No, Tony, you said Booble._**  
**

**Dirty bastard.**_  
_

_Hey, Tony, guess what I just found out._**  
**

_Tony?  
_

_Come on, this is serious.  
_

_I know you always have your phone with you.  
_

_Why aren't you replying now?  
_

_Look, Stark, you're an Avenger now. You need to take your work more seriously.  
_

**YOU MOTHERFUCKER I WAS PLAYING ANGRY BIRDS ONE MORE FUCKING PIG LEFT TO KILL AND YOUR FUCKING TEXT POPPED THE FUCK UP SENDING MY FUCKING BIRD TO SHIT DIRECTIONS, FUCK YOU MAN, NOW I HAVE TO RESTART MY FUCKING GAME, FOR GODS SAKE BRUCE.**_  
_

_...Sorry :(_**  
**

**IT FUCKING HAPPENED AGAIN! FUCK YOU, MAN, FUCK YOU.**_  
_

_...Are you done with your Angry Birds yet?_**  
**

**Yes :)**_  
_

_Good. Now, we must explain to Steve the term of "sexual intercourse". Appearantly he gets too hot whenever somebody talks about it and that's not good if he's willing to marry a woman._**  
**

_She's wonder what the hell was wrong with him.  
_

_What do we do?  
_

**Tell him what my dad told me.**_  
_

_And what's that?_**  
**

**Sex is a SENSATION,  
Caused by TEMPTATION,  
Where a man sticks his LOCATION,  
In a girls DESTINATION,  
To increase POPULATION,  
Of the next GENERATION,  
Do you get my EXPLANATION,  
Or do you need a DEMONSTRATION?**_  
_

**Your welcome :)  
**

_:O_

* * *

**I loved writing the last part :)  
Thanks for reviewing-80 reviews?! :O I'm the type of girl to squeel at one or two, so you guys can guess how excited I feel right now :)  
Read, review, ride a horse then carve a pumpkinn.  
Bye-bye!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Texts  
Between - Steve & Thor  
Topic : Dora The Italian Explorer**  
**Key : **_THOR, _Steve**  
**

* * *

_PATRIOTIC SOLDIER, WHERE ARE YOU?_

I'm Just Walking Around Stark Tower.

_WHY HAVE YOU NOT ACCOMMODATED A GIRLFRIEND YET, FRIEND ROGERS?_

It's A Long Story.

_I HAVE TIME._

_NO REALLY, I HAVE TIME. I AM WAITING FOR THE MAN OF IRON TO STOP HIDING THE POPTARTS._

I'm A Broken, Imperfect Soldier That Nobody Wants. I Have Accepted That Fact.

_WE HAVE TOO._

What? 0_o

_TRUST ME, FRIEND ROGERS. YOU LOOK AND SOUND LIKE CHEWBACCA WHENEVER YOU TRY TO FLIRT. YOU HUG WOMEN LIKE GODZILLA._

_AT LEAST THATS WHAT THE STARK OF TONY SAYS._

Dont Believe Everything That Guy Says.

_CARRY ON._

I'm Tired Of Being Alone. Tired Of Not Being Enough For People. I'm Sad, And I'm Lost.

No Really, I'm Lost. I've Never Been In This Part Of Stark Tower Before.

_CALL DORA!_

Who?

_DORA THE EXPLORER! SHE IS MOST WONDERFUL. GIVES AMAZING ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH BEING LOST. AND, SHE IS ALSO ITALIAN._

I Think Dora Is Spanish.

_NO._

Yes. She Greets Her Fellow Viewers With The Term "Hola", Which I Think Means "I Am Spanish".

_NO. HOLA MEANS "HOLLA AT ME BRUDDA". AS, AGENT NICK FURY SAYS._

Have You Seen My Shield? I Haven't Seen It Since That Birthday Party You Guys Threw For Me.

_AH, YES. THE SHIELD. WHAT DO YOU THINK WE PUT THE CAKE ON TOP OF?_

...Oh God. You Didn't... WHY?!

_THE MAN OF IRON WAS TOO LAZY TO MAKE A QUICK TRIP TO THE CABINET. I WAS TOO BUSY STUDYING THE EDIBLE SILVER BALLS WE PUT ON THE CAKE. NATASHA WAS SHOUTING AT THE OVEN FOR NOT WORKING, THEN PUNCHED IT UNTIL THE HOB BROKE. CLINT WAS ALSO PREOCCUPIED._

Doing What, Exactly?

_INJECTING YOU WITH A SEDATION DRUG TO KEEP YOU ASLEEP UNTIL THE PARTY WAS READY._

_WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE OUTCOLD FOR?_

_IGNORANT. PLAIN IGNORANT._

_Hey Steve, WHY U SO STOOPEDD?_

Get Off Thor's Phone, Stark. Big Man In A Suit- Take That Away And What Are You?

_...NAAAAKEEEDDDDDD :D_

_Didnt think that one through, did ya Capsicle?!_

_I, TONY STARK, defeated the Super Soldier with my BRAINS! Take that, world!_

__Newspapers. Books. Bicycles And Mixtapes. Nokia Phones.

_You... Monster :'(_

* * *

**Just realised how addictive Tumblr actually is. ****Anyone else here has Tumblr? Mines skimming-pebbles-and-rocks :). ****Read, review, eat some cake and punch a tiger,**

**Bye-bye!**


End file.
